rubyrose I genuinely do not know how I got so lucky to have this spirit and soul in my life. In and amongst the madness, the chaos and the ups and downs... You have always been my light. Your family is my family and i love you very much.
rubyrose Thank you Australians in film for this amazing honor. To @vindiesel for flying in from London to make the moment truly special and for giving me the strength to push through everything, always. To @riawna and @morganbeau for being my hype crew and my team for everything.
rubyrose Today is world mental health day. This photo is from right before I started OITNB.
I’ve struggled with mental health my entire life. I was first diagnosed with depression at 13, then major depressive disorder at 16. When I was 18 I found out I had Dissociative amnesia . I had a few years entirely erased from my memory and a chance run in with my best friend from primary school was the first I learned about it. She remembered me but I didn’t recognize her at all. She remembered our teachers, things we did and my monkey backpack.. things I didn’t remember even when she said them with such innocent conviction.
I went home and asked my mum “Did i have a monkey backpack at school?” That is when it all started to unravel and my life changed...I started asking questions.
I found out I went from a smiling laughing child to a quiet mute who sat alone and stared off to the distance during recess after one of many traumatic events that I didn’t remember. One that my mum had to tell me about but hadn’t for so many years because the doctors at the time said I was too young to process what had happened and that it was for the best.
I was also diagnosed with Bipolar for a long time until it turned out I just had depression.. the pure sad depression without the fun and not so fun parts of mania, it was an overactive thyroid that created that misdiagnosis. Cut to many dark times. On medication, off medication, on and off and on and off per each wrong diagnoses.
There were hospitalizations, suicide attempts as young as 12. Cut to therapy and meditation, cut to seeing me at ever self-help section of every bookstore. Cut to a brain scan which showed I had severe PTSD... cut to more therapy and tests that led me to my final diagnosis... C-PTSD. Complex PTSD. What I have learned from the struggles of mental health is just how strong I am. It’s how amazing people are because they love me and support me and yet you can’t judge those who don’t understand and don’t know how to do that either. It’s that you cannot judge people at all because you can never know what they have been through.
It’s that self love and self care is more important than anything else.
rubyrose Not long ago I packed my bags and left everything I knew behind, for a dream.
I left my friends, family, career and comfort zone to attempt to break Hollywood.
After two years of trying to get a manager or an agent I had spent every last cent I’d made in over decade of “showbiz”.. I was living on a blow up mattress from Target and I had only 6 months left on my Visa to prove I could contribute to the industry abroad.
In a moment close to giving up I poured what I had into a short film called break free.. A short film I’d put off making for years because I was so fearful, fearful of how people would react, if I would lose my job or if brands would pull advertising from my shows. If brands I was the face of and spokesperson for would not want to be associated with me anymore and of course the fear of being so honest and raw in a video on platforms I had no control over.
When I was stripped of those things, I had nothing to lose and no one to answer to and I realized I was getting depressed over rejection from others when I should have been focused on if I believed in me and if i did, what did I stand for and what really mattered to me.
Breakfree changed my life in so many ways, and so did the struggle of those years.
It will forever be the time I’m most proud of.
I didn’t however know, it would change my entire life. The film ended up circulating around the world, it made an impact bigger than myself it started a bigger conversation.. it also found its way to the creators of OITNB... I am so sad I missed the premiere and last hurrah the other night, but I’m here in Vancouver shooting a show I probably wouldn’t even be shooting if it wasn’t for the belief and risk taken by @ijnej @jen_euston and the show. It opened up a door for me that I could have never imagined and I will forever be in gratitude to those who took a chance on me. Forever grateful to the cast who became my friends and biggest supporters, the show and the fans who embraced me.
Thank you for everything.
Sad to see it come to an end but the way it changed the game, the way it impacted the world and audiences.. and the way it impacted everyone on the show is unparalleled. X
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